as a have-not

Being poor means that I never have had many of the luxuries others have, or just not as soon as others have had them. That I have learned to live with, but with being poor comes a paradox, I am a have-not and as such can not help but despise and envy the haves, at the same time I want to become a have. This makes it difficult because I would like the equality of communism but then I wouldn't have the chance to succeed as I do in capitalism. Ultimately I believe that as long as everyone has an equal chance then capitalism is the best option. I just really can't see communism working. So this is the oxymoron that I am, I'm a have-not but I'm a capitalist.